Dear Berkshire Bedlam,
Old Father Christmas here again!
But don’t panic! I will not try to embarrass you this year by giving you all hand-knitted, made-to-measure willy-warmers in your team’s colours.
In my travels across the world I have come across something else that might be of interest to you. I do hope they make a good addition to your kit, and unlike the willy-warmers, your musicians can wear them too. If you like them, just let me know.
(Now you can open the present.)
Meanwhile, on a more serious note, I have put pen to paper and come up with a little ‘ditty’, which I hope Malcolm will be kind enough to read out to you.
Sorry I can’t hang about, pressure of work you know …..
I wish you all a good Christmas.
Love from Santa. Ho, Ho, Ho!
What was Santa’s little ‘ditty’? Expand this sections see.
‘In comes I ….’, or,
A Who’s Who of Berkshire Bedlam
By Santa Clause
In comes I, melodeon player Sue
I’ve travelled all over the world
I don’t know where I’ll end up next
Perhaps it’ll be Timbucktu.
In comes I, young master Bob
The team thinks I’m one of the boys
I provide the percussive accompaniment
With a variety of musical toys.
In comes I, violin player Jane
I’m back with a sproggy in tow
I don’t mind playing for most of your gigs
But processions are still a No‑No!!!
In comes I, Rob Trundle by name
I know how to steal the show
Just watch me in ‘The Men in Black’
Or the Saloon pop video.
In comes I, old grinning Simon
The man with the coconut box
Don’t smash them all up in the Coconut Dance
Cos’ I’ve got to replenish the stocks!!!
In comes I, old father Paul
The oldest in the team today
If you think I’ve cocked up the dancing
It’s cos’ the old team did it that way.
In comes I, nutritionist Tim
Giving you good dietary advice
But all you do is laugh in my face
And keep on scoffing mince pies,
In comes I, new boy Andy Cheyne
Still trying to learn all the ropes
But I’ve already done a Bunfight Spot
Which makes me one of the blokes
In comes I, Lord West Of Strathclyde
On my search for bottles of Gin
There should be some at the bottom of this box
Oh flip, I’ve just fallen in.
In comes I, wise old Malcolm Major
I appeared on Countdown, you know
I made up some words that do not exist
And for that got kicked off the show.
In comes I, oooh titter ye not!
I’m Lee, with all the sticks I can find
You want them for a Bunfight Spot?
Oh flip, I’ve left them behind.
In comes I, sad old Jameson
With love I yet to find luck
I search high and low.., wherever I go…
But so far, , .I haven’t .. , broken my duck.
In comes I, old Berkshire Bedlam
I’ve been going for nearly 30 years
So raise your glasses one and all
Hip hip hooray ‑ three cheers!!!